Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy for Women in California | EMDR & IFS
For the woman who was taught not to trust herself
It Wasn't Normal. Even If It Was All You Knew
Home was supposed to be where you were safe. Instead it was where you learned to read the room before you learned to read yourself. You watched for mood shifts, measured your words, and made yourself as small and agreeable as possible; not because you were weak, but because you were smart enough to know what happened when you weren't. On the outside your family may have looked completely normal — accomplished, even. Appearances mattered deeply. Your achievements were celebrated not because they made you proud, but because they reflected well on them. How you felt about any of it was beside the point.
You became so fluent in everyone else's emotions that you forgot you had your own. You abandoned your needs so quietly and so early that you barely noticed it happening. You adjusted to the mood of whoever was in the room. You worked tirelessly to earn the approval of the most difficult people in your family, and no matter how hard you tried, it was never quite enough. So you stopped trying to discover who you were. Self-discovery got replaced with chasing acceptance. And there was always a voice — a familiar one — telling you that you were wrong for wanting more.
“ Self-discovery got replaced with chasing acceptance.”
That voice didn't stay in childhood. It followed you into every relationship, every workplace, every room where you had to decide whether it was safe to have an opinion. Relationships are exhausting because the only way you know how to feel comfortable is to make sure everyone around you is comfortable first. Expressing what you actually think gives you pause and you edit yourself before the words even leave your mouth. You spiral for hours about a text message. You ask ChatGPT what you should do instead of trusting your own gut. And you've been quietly consuming content about people-pleasing and codependency and anxious attachment in your algorithm, thinking carefully that maybe — just maybe — it applies to you.
It does apply to you. What you experienced was narcissistic abuse. It doesn't have to look like screaming or hitting to count. It counts when a parent made you responsible for their emotions. It counts when your feelings were inconvenient. It counts when you were taught that love was conditional on your performance. And it counts when you're still living with the aftermath decades later, wondering why you can't just trust yourself. If reading this paragraph makes you anxious — if part of you feels like someone is reading over your shoulder, watching your reaction, waiting for you to defend them instead of relate to this — that feeling is part of it too. You can learn to trust yourself again. That's exactly what we do here.
Sound Familiar?
You apologize before anyone has a chance to be upset with you
You feel responsible for everyone's mood in the room
You replay conversations for hours looking for what you did wrong
Receiving a compliment feels uncomfortable…like it comes with a catch
You don't know what you actually want because you needs weren’t prioritized
You rely on external validation because you don’t trust your inner thoughts
This Is Where Healing Starts
Healing from narcissistic abuse isn't about learning to cope with what happened to you. It's about going back to where it started — the beliefs that formed, the voice that took root, the version of yourself you abandoned along the way — and actually healing them.
Therapy with me is a space where you don't have to earn your place in the room. You don't have to minimize what you went through, defend your parent, or wonder if you're being too sensitive. What you experienced is taken seriously here — because I've spent my career working with women at every stage of narcissistic abuse recovery and I know exactly what it takes and what it costs.
Using EMDR and IFS, we work directly with the wounds that talk therapy alone can't reach. If you want to understand more about how these approaches work, you can read more about them on my [Trauma Therapy page].
My style is direct and — yes — sometimes funny. Not because your pain isn't serious. It is. But because humor has a way of shrinking the power of the people who hurt you. And because healing doesn't have to feel like suffering through more pain. It can actually feel like coming home to yourself.
You’re worth it.
What Becomes Possible
Imagine walking into any room and not immediately scanning for signals of people being upset. Instead, you’re just yourself…and you’re comfortable:
You can stop shrinking. The constant editing, the over-apologizing, the reflexive people-pleasing loses its grip. Not overnight. But gradually and unmistakably.
You can trust yourself again. When something feels wrong, you'll know it's wrong and you won't need external validation to confirm it. Your instincts will start to feel like information again instead of something to be suspicious of.
You can stop performing and start living. Relationships will feel less like something to manage and more like something to actually enjoy. You can have opinions and feel safe to share them without damning consequences.
You can speak up and set boundaries. Boundaries won't feel scary or guilt-inducing. Instead, they’ll feel like self-respect. And you’ll get to finally feel the benefit to having distance where you need it.
Most clients expect trauma work to feel overwhelming. What they discover instead is that EMDR and IFS make it feel surprisingly manageable. The deep wounds around self-worth and feeling unlovable become things we can actually approach and heal. And the guilt…the exhausting, chronic guilt of feeling responsible for everyone around them…finally starts to loosen its grip.
It's Okay to Choose Yourself
You have spent so long making sure everyone else was okay that choosing yourself probably feels foreign. Maybe you even feel it’s selfish. It is. But I aim to teach you that being selfish can be a good thing.
You don't have to have it all figured out before you reach out. You don't have to be sure your past was bad enough. You don't have to stop loving your parent or resonate with the word “abuse”. You just have to be willing to show up for yourself — maybe for the first time.
That's what the free consultation is for. No pressure, no commitment. Just a conversation between two people figuring out if we're the right fit. And if we are, we get to work.
I'm here when you're ready.
Schedule a Free Consultation
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You don't need a diagnosis or a label to start healing. If you grew up feeling responsible for a parent's emotions, were made to feel like your needs were too much, had your reality questioned or dismissed, or spent your childhood walking on eggshells — that's worth exploring in therapy. Many of my clients come in unsure whether their experience "counts." It counts.
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Absolutely not. Going no contact is a personal decision and is never a requirement for healing. Therapy focuses on helping you understand what happened, rebuild your self-trust, and set boundaries that work for your life regardless of what your relationship with your parent looks like. That's entirely your choice to make. Therapy can support you through that decision-making process.
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We have a saying in psychotherapy, “Things often get worse before the get better.” Sitting with things you've avoided for a long time can feel uncomfortable at first. But one of the things clients tell me most often is that EMDR and IFS make the process feel far less overwhelming than they expected. We go at a pace that feels safe for your nervous system.
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We start off weekly, usually the same time and day each week. When we both have agreed you’re making and sustaining progress, we will discuss scaling down to every other week for a period of time until you’re ready to terminate therapy.
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Not at all, and it doesn't mean what happened to you wasn't real. Loving someone who hurt you is one of the most complicated and painful parts of narcissistic abuse recovery. You don't have to stop loving your parent to acknowledge what they did. Both things can be true at the same time. Therapy is a space to hold all of it.
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That uncertainty is completely normal and honestly, it's part of the wound. When you've been taught not to trust yourself, deciding to do something big for yourself can feel terrifying. You don't have to feel ready. You just have to be willing to take one small step. That's what the free consultation is for.
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My practice specializes in working with women, particularly those healing from narcissistic abuse, childhood trauma, and the anxiety, people-pleasing, and self-doubt it leaves behind. If you’re a man who identifies with these same issues, we may still be a good fit.
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Most who have successfully completed treatment have worked with me between 2-4 years. Most clients start with weekly sessions and gradually move to every other week as they make progress. Healing from childhood narcissistic abuse takes time.
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Yes, I accept Optum/United Health Care and Aetna. If I'm not in network with your insurance, you can pay out of pocket and use your out-of-network benefits for reimbursement. I use Thrizer to submit claims on your behalf, making reimbursement as straightforward as possible. My out of pocket fee is $220. You can check your out of network benefits here.
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The first step is a free 20-minute consultation. No commitment, no pressure. Just a conversation where you can share what you're going through and we make sure we're the right fit. You can schedule directly here.